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Maybe it’s because Mercury’s finally out of retrograde, but we’re feeling especially pensive today, and we’ve realized that a few things ab...

Would You Try a Vampire Breast Lift?

Maybe it’s because Mercury’s finally out of retrograde, but we’re feeling especially pensive today, and we’ve realized that a few things about this world will forever be true: The earth will keep turning, we’ll keep caring about the Kardashians, and men will keep finding ways for women to improve upon their natural breasts. On that last topic, we’d like to introduce you to the Vampire Breast Lift — and the man who developed the procedure, Charles Runels, MD. 

Dr. Runels came up with the idea on the heels of his Vampire Facelift, which was made famous by the one and only Kim K. For the breast lift, in no more than 15 minutes (and for no less than $1,800), the good doctor draws patients’ blood, extracts platelet-rich plasma (PRP) from their blood, and then injects it back into their breasts. If you’d prefer a more in-depth walk-through of the breast lift, Dr. Runels has prepared a video that is twice as long as the procedure itself. (It’s also great for when you’re having trouble getting to sleep.)

After undergoing the breast lift, patients can expect their breasts to appear perkier and rounder; any scars or stretch marks should be less visible, and nipples may be more sensitive. Clearly, this is not meant to take the place of a surgical enlargement. Instead, it’s simply a pricey procedure to make one’s breasts better fit an invented standard of “breast beauty.” It takes about two months for the results to reach their peak, and after that, they last for about a year. 

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